Why Can't Rhode Islanders Drive? (An Editorial in Their Defense, Mostly)

One of the things I was told when I started at Brown is that Rhode Islanders are terrible drivers. Coming from the outskirts of Chicago, and being used to Illinois drivers, I initially dismissed this as some sort of New Englander modesty. What could possibly be worse than the crazed exodus from the Loop on a Friday afternoon in late July? As I began to explore Providence I quickly found out. Their claim to poor driving is indeed valid.

At first I was annoyed and a bit afraid. As I experienced more and more of the local culture, I came to realize that there are aspects to life here that predestine the Rhode Islander (and maybe New Englanders in general) to higher insurance premiums and a steady employment rate for auto body mechanics. What follows are my observations in defense (mostly) of the largely deficient abilities of the RI driver.

1. Why bother?

This may only apply to city dwellers, but I suspect that it's true for the more rural areas as well. Everything is in walking distance. I have a grocery store at the end of my street, and a Walgreens a couple blocks away. There are myriad restaurants, bars, bakeries and even some specialty shops right in my neighborhood. It would be more painful to try to find a parking space in some cases than it would be to walk. Need to go a little further? The bus system isn't the greatest in the world, but it covers most of the state, and it's a hell of a lot better than public transportation in most of the midwest.

2. The "paved" roads require a trail-rated suspension.

I don't want to dog too badly on the state or city government. I haven't lived here that long and I don't think I have enough of the story to pass judgement. The fact is the roads are in pretty bad disrepair. They're full of pot-holes, cracks, and unintentional humps. I feel confident in my jeep, but I've had some close calls in my little Saturn. The truth is, more people have vehicles that are similar to my Saturn. They spend extra time and attention trying to avoid car eating pot holes or launching themselves over impromptu tree-root speed bumps.

3. Three hundred seventy-five years of history.

The City of Providence has a rich and interesting colonial history. Why is this relevant to the current discussion? The streets and roads have been in place for much of that history, a majority of which predates the automobile. What we have then is essentially a series of old cow paths and game trails that have evolved over time into modern roads. they are winding and narrow, and in the city they get narrower during heavy snow, as there is no place to put the excess snow that is removed from the streets. Rather than being laid out in a nice orderly fashion, they tend to radiate out from sometimes random seeming central points, the importance of which having been lost in the progression of time.

4. Here a sign, there a sign here and there a sign, sign.

Signage, especially street names, are inconsistent, and in several instances just plain don't exist. It's hard to know where you are, where you're going and what you're supposed to do when you get there. The disparity is so great that when people are confronted with signs, like the red octagonal ones, they aren't sure what to do. In the absence of authoritative direction people tend to make up their own rules. Take for example a certain intersection on my normal commute route. It would appear to the casual observer to be a single lane in all four directions with a stop light in the middle. However, the road is wide enough at the intersection for a turn lane, though nothing official indicates one exists. In the morning, (and only in the morning,) an ad hoc right turn only lane appears.

5. Where do we go from here?

In reality, this is a consequence of points 1, 3, and 4. Rhode Islanders outside of their neighborhoods tend to become disoriented easily as they try to make their way through unfamiliar territory. Without adequate signs to guide them, they must rely on landmarks for navigation. They put so much effort into finding these landmarks that they are unable to concentrate on the road.

6. 75% of Rhode Islanders (and possibly New Englanders) are too polite.

My wife and I both are blown away at just how nice people are here. Many extend this to their driving. They stop quickly to allow people to enter the lane, stop at throughways or when they have green lights for pedestrians, and wave people through at four way stops. While pedestrians do indeed have the right of way these actions can be disconcerting for others not accustomed to driving in such an overly accommodating environment.

7. 10% of the remaining drivers are overly aggressive assholes.

Honestly, these people exist everywhere. You know the type. Too busy on the phone to pay attention. Swerving in and out of traffic to get to the stoplight more quickly, pulling out in front of you, and rolling through stop signs. They honk and cuss and act like YOU are the idiot. I wouldn't notice them anywhere else. In Rhode Island because of all the above points they stick out like a sore thumb.

As you can see, the cards are stacked against these poor people. For most, it's not a matter of lack of skill, but environmental and cultural differences that cause the deficiency. The exception is as always that 10%, and you can find them anywhere. Screw them.